Aug 06 2013
I won’t cry
Bam! There it goes another heart breaking memory
I try my hardest not to cry
A sob rises in my throat
Pain fills my chest
I force myself to think of happy thoughts but you always come back to the forefront of my mind
I can’t stand it why does this happen to me every time
I like someone and the feeling seems reciprocated
He cares, he gives me undivided attention
I lap it up like the fool I am
And then I’m crushed again
And he remains whole, beautiful, and untouchable
The beautiful girl who sees him every night feels the same way
Nevermind I won’t think of that I won’t
Oh god I can’t breathe
This is too much to bear
How can he do this to me and not even care
When every time he needed me I was always there
It sounds stupid for me to scream, “This isn’t fair”
That’s an understatement
I won’t cry
I rock myself back and forth
My eyes sting
A new memory of him smiling
He’ll never smile at me that way again
I can’t take this
Just breathe
It becomes my mantra
As many times as this has happened
You’d think these feelings would stop seeming so brand new
Like a fresh wave of heart break every time it happens
But every time it happens it’s like a fresh wound on my heart
I can’t tell my friends
I don’t want their pity
I just want him
And that will never happen
I can’t take it anymore, the tears stream down my face
Here I am again ashamed that I am the vision of a broken disgrace
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