Aug 17 2011

A secret?

Published by at 3:02 pm under Thinking of You Poems

Someone once told me a secret.
He had this fear. Something that I could relate to.
The only thing I could think of as he told me,
is that there was no way it would ever happen to him.
You see, there are two kinds of people on this earth.
People like him
And people like me.
Now, people who are like him –
Those are the people you want to be around. Strong people. Not muscled, but with a strong will. This iron will they have makes it almost impossible for them to fail. At anything.
I mean, honestly. He could insult me to my face and do it with grace and without lowering himself to my level. Without staining himself with a distasteful image. Without losing the grace he carries about him, the air of… superiority without smugness that he has.
Like a proud king. Able to lead his followers through everything. Yes, a king can doubt. But when the time comes, a decision is made. A good one.
People like me..
Well. We’re the ones who stutter and blush like fools. The ones who are clumsy and awkward and, apparently, innocent.
I’m meek. I don’t stand my ground. I’m scared of my own shadow.
But he… he’s sure of himself, in a way he once said I am.
Or maybe we’re both reading the other all wrong. I believe he’s perceptive, more so than I like, maybe. But I also believe that he’s denying things. Like questions he avoids, or topics he steers(?) clear of.
Thing is, I don’t hate him for not listening. I don’t hate him for ignoring me or breaking me or hating me. I simply can’t do that.
But I’m happy now. So happy that I feel like crying. But it’s this extremely odd feeling. Like I’m… overreacting. Because I can talk to him! I can say hi and cause these awkward silences. I can listen to him being funny and laugh through my tears. I can ask him for help or just simply be frustrated when he says “See you next month.” I can confide in him without him realizing it. And listen to his song while watching him play. I can be creepy again, just being who I am.
Until my walls fall back down, and the true me comes out full force.
It’s something I dread .
Because I don’t want him to leave me.
I don’t want him to reject me.
Not again.

This post was submitted by pixie.

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