i am me.. i now live my life not expecting or really planning the future ... simply taking it a day at a time... and learning to be thankful for all that i am given even if i never get everything i want.. dreamed and hoped for... sometimes its time for a mindset change.. simply being happy for what i do have not what i dont.. and knowing... some words can go unspoken and speak louder than a dictionary of them.. sometimes it is better to keep your thoughts and emotions to yourself or like i enjoy doing here.. writing them in anonymity the words you long to say but from this point on know that you never will .. for sometimes strong feelings and emotions overwhelm those who are unused to them especially when there is truth behind them... so i have learned.. its better to keep the knowledge to yourself.. unless the person shows they are ready to hear and know... what has always been and never truly fades.. and honestly only grows in time... i like to think it only grows purerer and better with time...Sometimes you have to go through the ups and downs ... highs and lows... good and utterly miserable times... before you can freely admit.. that what you knew all along to be true... was not a simple crush or passing phase.. and be content inside that after many battles... you finally know beyond a shadow of a doubt.. how you feel and it doesnt matter if the same feelings are reciprocated to you anymore. your just happy to have felt this way about at least one person in your life.. and secretly know to yourself whether your chance has come and gone or not.. doesnt matter ... you feel truly blessed just to have them in your life.. and smile as you think to yourself they may never understand it... but some times there is so much more than just what is in plain sight.. and just hope maybe one day they will be able to look in the mirror beyond the past and anything bad... and see themselves with your eyes... sometimes we lose ourselves along the way.. and it is up to us to find it... i will always be there to help lift you up along the way... everything i have ever done in regards to this special person... will have always been worth it.. as will anything i do in the future... especially if it helps them obtain even a slight moment of true pure happiness as i have enjoyed many times by simply being around them and having them in my life