Aug 10 2011

Being strong made you weak

Published by at 10:31 pm under emo Poems

I lost the thing I cherish most, the thing I thought nobody could take from me
I lost it, the very thing you’re trying to save
And it feels like the world should stop turning, just flip on its axis
But we just keep on moving,
Constantly on the go.
That’s how we cope, I suppose.
Keeping busy, no time to think about life,
About the things that were stolen from us.
The things that were ripped away.
And sometimes people want the world to stop
Sometimes people want things to stop,
to give them some time
to think
Even though it hurts.
But the problem with these people, the ones who don’t deny,
Is that they break.
They break because of their inability
to climb under the covers and hide
Some people find it easier to hide from reality,
Others face it with false bravado,
just hoping against hope
that today could be different
that today could be the day everything changed for the better.
But today turns into yesterday
And tomorrow is just the same.
And we end up wishing time would stop,
Not for us to think it through
But for everything to just simply stop…
And slowly whither away
Dust and sand,
Swept away on a breeze,
No pain
None of the horrors of everyday.
Nothing stolen or broken
Or left bleeding, alone,
Just dying,
All on your own.
For the simple reason that you dared to see what was real,
instead of hiding.
For the simple reason that you were strong.
But being strong made you weak.
And the weak turned out strong.
And finally the world tips, balancing precariously on the edge of sanity.
And finally, everything stops.
But it doesn’t freeze.
It just ceases to make sense.
And your left wondering,
Doubting your choices,
Doubting your love,
Your life, your family,
Your entire reasoning is turned upside down,
Flipped over, all your secrets spilling out onto the ground
And you feel defiled,
Everything you never meant for anyone to see,
The skeletons you wanted to keep buried,
Safely stowed away in your closet.
But barriers were breached,
And you were left undone,
Hanging on for dear life, but somehow begging to fall.
Clutching at anyone, anything
Perhaps even dragging them down with you.
And it’s not easy to keep moving forward
Especially when the only person you ever trusted,
The one you let go with,
The one you were always you with. No pretenses or acts.
Just you, the person you are inside.
Because you trusted him, you see. And that’s why you never thought about the things you said.
Of course he didn’t mind, you thought, he cares about me, after all.
But that isn’t how it went.
You could never be good enough for simply being you.
And maybe you were creepy
Or maybe you were a bit obsessed.
But the fact remains,
You trusted him with the very core of your being.
And he rejected you. Rejected you simply because you were weird,
And because you were sarcastic.
Maybe you were bitchy, who knows?
But each one is allowed a day to feel angry
To just rage about the unfairness of it all.
Because that’s humanity.
That is simply how humans work.
We function, on the move all day
But when night comes,
You cry, maybe muffled sobs into your pillow.
And you scream, a noiseless, primal sound of extreme rage, just boiling from the depths of your soul.
You pray, too. Because faith is what keeps you going.
Because believing in something is what keeps you sane.
Believing, simply for the comfort of giving your cares away. Of having someone to nurture and protect you, the way parents protect their children.
You just let loose whatever you’ve got bubbling inside of you,
You just push it out of you, almost in a blind panic as you snarl, and growl,
Releasing an animal, even as you’re crying, begging for an end.
You rip your skin from the bone,
You tug on your hair, pulling it out in messy, bloody clumps.
You surge
You crash
You DIE.
Then you get back up
And you do it again.
Over and over.
Slamming your fist into the wall, grinning with bloody teeth as a bloodcurdling scream wrenches from your mouth, as unimaginable agony washes over your body.
You laugh as your knees buckle and you end up in a heap on the floor.
You throw yourself into the flames, the scalding heat sizzling over your skin,
You tear yourself to shreds, our body shaking with the force of your sobs.
But nothing could ever compare,
No physical pain on earth could ever compare,
To the pain of losing
what you never thought
could be

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4 responses so far

4 Responses to “Being strong made you weak”

  1. serena93on 12 Aug 2011 at 12:39 pm

    This is SUPER long! but very well written. Felt almost to personal to be reading, like you’ve allowed us to peek in your journal. Its kinda all differnet writing styles like it could have been several poems crammed into one page. Very good, Raw, intense and personal. (:

  2. pixieon 12 Aug 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.

  3. what is emoon 13 Aug 2011 at 7:37 am

    this is good:,, this is the real emo. a musicwhat is emo

  4. pixieon 13 Aug 2011 at 9:23 am

    Thanks for reading and commenting. It is much appreciated.

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