Finally Free

Dec 03 2011

Published by Josiah Goodman at 10:12 am under Forever Love Poems

My arms, my legs, my head. I can’t feel them. But I know that my hearts still here a smoking blackness no longer that shining gem. Theres a hole in me and because of it I feel cold inside, If I hadn’t done it, if I hadn’t lied, What was the point I no longer have any pride?

But I guess it’s a miracle that I can feel at all, considering yesterday when I fainted in the hall, taking that slowmotion fall remembering those cuts that went too deep just beforehand in that stall.

I am not trying to hurt myself, just trying to escape the pain but I don’t always believe myself when I see my own bloodstain’s. if you had been through what I had you would feel the same, no longer shall I be the one to face this torment so who instead should I blame?

I have no control over my life like somebody else has the reins, there pointing me down the wrong track and were going so fast I wonder if it’s past late to switch lanes, or turn back, to late to avoid that click clack, to avoid seeing my life’s screen flash and go white, black.

I need to stop this ride, no longer can I hide, I could’ve stopped earlier if I only hadn’t lied. If that one friend hadn’t cried, what does it matter now, all I could’ve done to stop it to have is shriveled up and died.

I don’t know where to go, or what I should do. My name is mr.Indescisive. complicated. No breakthroughs.

My mind is strange, and my life feel’s like it will never change, no more love will my heart exchange, no longer will my consciencesness have the option to stay sane. I think I might blow up from all this pressure, burn down to a smaller mini-me on my sanity scales measure.

One light, two lights, three. My vision be scamblin up everything I can see. Im burnin hot and my soul is on fire, With all the words that come to my mind right now I could build myself a poetic empire.

But at the same time, first I have to climb this mind mountain and commit my last crime. Because I cannot begin to shake, this feeling that the world is about to jump and quake. So I need to find my lifeline stake and pound into the mountainground and when I do the world will ring with sound for miles around there will not be a soul to be found who I shall not astound and I shall be king of myself, no longer in my emotions will I be drowned, at last I will be crowned.

I pick up the glock and point it where it should be, but I am scared is this really me? I aim carefully and tick tock, my world erupts in a sea of red. I cannot tell if I am alive or dead. But wait the bullet is lying on the floor and the gun had backfired the shot had wrung backwards and all that remains of my t.v. is wires. I think this is a sign from someone above showing that I’m not alone anymore and everyone in the world is to be loved, and in that second I change my attitude, put my hands together, look up to the heavens and mouth my gratitude.

Goodbye satan! I think with you I’m done! I’m leaving the lies that you constantly spun, I’d rather go to heaven, and get a little less burn and a bit more sun. No longer will I have to run, but rather walk where I want to go a better place for me, or maybe I’ll sail there and have a race, perhaps the Nina, the pinta, or the Santa Marie. Either way it doesn’t matter.Because I’m finally free.