Oct 06 2010

I am Jealous

Published by at 4:44 pm under Betrayal Poems

The wound never heals,
Another hope swirls down the drain.
It’s not easy sewing hardened wood back together, you know.
Broken needles slice more jagged cuts,
Mending the pain of a broken heart.

When all you want is revenge,
How hard it is to bite your lip and hold your hand back.
Yet carrying it out would ease all your pain, you say.
Though you must suppress your feelings,
You must suppress the hurt.

“Leave me,” you guffaw as he walks away.
In your mind, you are reassured of his return.
The black telephone sits quietly,
Dishes remain uncleaned,
The rug is worn thin and covered with ashes.

Still you wait patiently.
Though it is apparent he will not call,
Or come crawling back, on his lizard belly.
It is her, you think,
That cunning witch, who cast a spell,

A magic spell, a cupid’s dart.
How much better is she?
A sure thing, rock solid,
As compared to my weakness,
The uncertainty of me.

What a wonder that you left me,
In midst of my strife’s.
Just add more discomfort to my yoke,
Though with me, I added to yours.
Is she any good?

Much better than I,
As I am uncertain as storms,
She is reliable as nothing.
Is that what you wanted, my darling?
A statue to lean on to, to keep you direct.

Hell ! I always knew how unsteady I was.
My boat rocked back and forth constantly, and you wanted out.
I understand she is your have to have,
A steady beat in your life of chaos,
Drumming the sound of your constant.

Like a clock is she, your lover.
Ticking and tocking out your choices.
Always there for you to fall back on,
Your soul supporter.
A statue of strength, will, grace and beauty,

All the qualities I will never have,
You knew that all along too.
The hole you dug yourself into with me was so deep.
Slowly, you hesitated your escape,
Too afraid to break my fragile state of mind.

What you are is a coward !
You bastard, I love you.
Maybe it meant you cared,
But you always had your fears,
Mine just added to yours.

Ask my permission and I’ll let you go,
My love, my darling,
Runaway with your penny whore.
You are free, fly away.
Someday (I know) you’ll come back to me.

by Amanda Proctor

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