May 03 2011
icy soul
wheres my life where did it go
all I see is a white icy soul
it freezes me in despair
why did god have to be so cruel
how do i live without you
and how do i survive without your love
Im gone,Im gone
save me from myself
save me from the dark
I cant live without you
I cant see the sun
all I can see is your face
when I stare out into space
Im freezen on the inside
my hearts frozen
my mind is cold
your the only one that I want to hold
so wave goodbye to the perky me
cause shes gone into history
oh Im gone,Im gone
dont worry bout me
cause Im gone into history
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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Where’s my life? Where did it go?
All I see is an icy soul
It freezes me, in despair
Why’s God’s humor so unfair?
How could I get through this?
Without the love given in bliss
I love your poem. Honestly, it’s better than my rip-off. I just wanted to make an example for my previous comment.
The first line has 7 syllables, the second 8. It sounds very close in rhythm which makes it easier to read.
Each line starts with a capital letter, which gives it a more professionally polished look. Apostrophies where needed, questionmarks add an extra bit of… I don’t know. I like questionmarks :p
Okay, back to your actual poem. The heading is absolutely fantastic. The repitition you used really built the poem, making the ending extremely dramatic and ominous.
The last line was simply brilliant, sent goosebumps over my skin.
“I cant live without you/I cant see the sun” – God, just wow.
All in all, this is was magnificent.
Thanks pixie,I kinda liked your version better though,anyways thanks for the adice I aprechiate(dont know how to spell that) it. 😀
Appreciate :p