Aug 05 2011

I’m a Disease…

Published by at 12:17 pm under Goodbye Poems

Possesor of the prayers and the Golden Hand
The man who lives in the floating sky
Whoever you may be…

Some call you God
Some refer to you as Lord
I’ve even heard some call you Alah

With shame I must admit,
This was not the way I thought we’d meet
But for a broken and damaged person like me
It’s so hard and nearly impossible to believe
In such a phantasmal deity
I have run out of options
I kneel down and with sudden conviction I pray:

I have a single request for you
Hand me a miracle, a changing sky
Listen to my pleading shooting star
Make my only dream come reality,
My single goal and ambition into truth,

Make me belong!
Give me a place to fit
Where my differences will be embraced
Completely fill my emptiness
And hand over to me my own universe
Somewhere I match and fit the mold
And where I can finnally let my real persona unfold
So many times I’ve been revoked
Like who I am as myself is just so morally wrong
So I’ve hidden in layers of made-up sheets
Do I belong to this Earth, you say?
Maybe I’m not the only one who’s insane…
Like social garbage and living scum numerous times I’ve been thrown away
By societies most superior leaders as of today

My best friend’s family thinks I have a disease
They won’t even let me visit anymore
I’m just a brokenhearted soul
Foolish and naive enough
To hold on, to an already lost love
I have a malfunction
Yet, I cannot be fixed
I am marked forever
On my forehead the words “Disgrace”
And a sign that says
“Do Not Stand Less Than 10 Feet From This,
You Have Been Warned!”
Tails my shadow

Suddenly I get a hideous and malicious thought
Maybe life isn’t worth living
There is nothing on this Earth but grieving
I suffer everyday
So miserably that I can’t take it and need to die before the end of this day…
I wish I were hard and strong
A giant like Goliath or like a wall made from stone
But I’ve crumbled and fallen
And glue can’t forever keep me whole
Little stiches keep me together only for so long
But so many people would agree
This is the place I should be at
I deserve a big house with a nice view to chaotic hell
And burn there
Piece by piece
Hair by hair
‘Til the ends of eternity

I dream of being in heaven from time to time
It seems so pure and innocent
And untochable from any diabolic or morbid thought
That’s why humans like me should be kept away from dreams
I hurt myself with hope
Dissapointment hurts more than a thousand needles
And hundreds of glass shards
Sticking into my body, my heart, my soul, and my mind.
There is no point of dreaming or hoping
My life is useless
I am not good for anything
I deserve death
More than the people in jail
Because at least they fit in somewhere
Where I, am disowned by the outcasts
Nowhere else to go
But to the outskirts of the very edge
To the endless abyss
Where my only friends
Are now darkeness
And silence
At least, they accept me
They embrace me
They keep me company
When everyone else gave up on me
And like an orphan,
Left me to my own luck

Well let me tell you,
I will never let go
I will hold onto life
With my fingernails
‘Til I can hold no more
I will pray and pray and pray
Until God grows tired of me too
I know He’ll abandon me
Like so many others have
Because I’m a piece of grotesque ugly shit
Not even flies dare to come near me…
And alone I will stand
If that is my destiny,
Then I shall gladly fulfill it
And I shall live with darkness and silence until I run out of breath
Because even when the rats and the cockroaches gave up on me
I learned
I listened
I adapted
I hoped
I would never change my life I had the chance to
Because at the end, you only get one,
One chance
One body
One mind
One heart
One soul
One single living life
Where nothing can be taken back
And consider these last words
As my official goodbye.

This post was submitted by anonymouss.

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