Jun 03 2005
Lovely Death
Lovely Death
He woke up with a thousand tears,
A hurt he can’t describe.
He tried to fight away the fears,
A gun found hid inside.
He grabbed a bullet, just needed one,
And loaded it into the gun.
He thought for almost way to long,
So he put on his favorite song,
He started thinking about the past,
Pain, the tears then fell.
He thought then maybe they would see,
If he sent himself to hell.
But then he realized they wont care,
He cocked the gun with great despair,
He knew he’d have to do this right,
He couldn’t miss his target tonight,
He dialed up a girl he knew,
To see just one last time.
He thought that love and angels flew,
She didn’t give a dime.
He tried to contact friends to talk,
But as he called; his phone they’d block,
He threw his phone onto the floor,
No one gave a $hit anymore,
He put the barrel in his mouth with fear,
It pointed at his brain.
His last thought was, “What if they hear,”
It ridded him his pain.
The gun fell to the floor with a letter near,
A lifeless body, no longer insane.
“This is too who gives a $hit,
I hope that I, you’ll soon forget,
I cannot fight this love discrete,
So burry me, the dirt, six feet,
Mom and Tom and Joe and Sue,
I hope you know I love you too,
I cannot take this pain I feel,
It seems just too unreal.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed,
Don’t think that I’m mistreated,
Don’t think that I did this for attention,
Attention I wont get,
I’m gone for good and good I’m gone,
I hope that I, you’ll soon forget.”
That note shocked us of love and all,
On that day we got that call,
He didn’t do it for the pity,
He knew he’d be gone and for that he’s witty,
He didn’t do it for no care,
He did it because no one was there,
He lost the love and all he had,
A lovely death that went so bad.
-Dennis Mayer
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please don\’t go there-NOTHING and NOONE is worth it! you are never as alone as you think and tommorrow will be a better day. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! OK?
This poem really had an impact on me. It makes you think.
Not a serious poem. It\’s an outlook at how someone may feel after serious heart break.
I loved your poem…i think it was beautiful, so sad and full of emotion…it actually hit a bit of a soft spot with me. I\’d never do anything like that because that to me is the cowards way out, but it was an excellent poem!!!! 10 outta 10! Seriously i thought it was excellent, if you could give me a bit of insight as to what made you write that poem or how you were feeling when you wrote it, that would give me an ever greater understanding! 🙂 Thanks and it was an outstanding poem. Elly!
well written
its sooooooooooooooo sad
this was so sad. and beautiful,, it made me tear up!! i loved it. :]
wow
it was mint
that poems amazing is that how u really feel about life
this poem realli hit me hard, i went thru a stage where my cuzin gave up on her life because she lost a sister. so i was always there to help her thru. people dont relise how much people actually care for them. so make sure u always tell someone how u feel. before somethings happens that is to late
[I]wow ur poem really touche me in everyway….it made me think DEEP[/I]
you can read peoples mind.. you feel things others dont.. your a really good wrighter.. you inspire me!
Oh my god i think the same things and go down the same road dont no one cares i so understand.
Dennis Mayer,
I\’ve read four of your poems and they are all good. Ive noticed how you mostly write about love, that is a good topic if you want your readers to feel like they can relate. After all, everyone who has ever loved knows that there is nothing as breath taking as the emotions that come with it. Anyways, I too like to write and poetry is my passion. I like to hear advise to help me improve my work, that is why I am saying this to you. Personally I dont use ryhms but I have studied the form and my advise is that you watch your lines. For example AABB or ABAB ryhms. AABB = Cat,Hat, Shark, Park. ABAB = Cat, Shark, Hat, Park. Dont do both, pick one, swaping it up isn\’t to my knowlegde a true form. I also recommend editing a little more, there are common mistakes in all of them that could be avoided. If you want a reader to truelly pay attention to the meaning behind the words instead of the words themself, you dont need any distractions, like errors. I don\’t mean to be so critical just a helping hand as I explained before. I like the messages in your poems they are well thought out and touching. Keep up the great work.
Maryleigh,
I appreciate your advice. Although, this poem is written in several “forms” as you textbook “poets” would call. The change in pace is necessary to express emotion and change in emotion in the sporadic mind of an individual undergoing such mental devastation.
The following is in a slow pace due to the “ABAB form:”
He woke up with a thousand tears,
A hurt he can’t describe.
He tried to fight away the fears,
A gun found hid inside.
And these lines quickly speed up the pace with the thought of what lays ahead with “AABB form:”
He grabbed a bullet, just needed one,
And loaded it into the gun.
He thought for almost way to long,
So he put on his favorite song,
Although I do agree that I have “common mistakes” in my grammar, punctuation and in my form and I appreciate you pointing that out. I do not have an editor to check my every error and in many cases my errors may show meaning in the context they are provided in. I have I never studied poetry or poetic form and I have no passion to do so. Thank you for your input it is greatly appreciated.
When I read your poem I was just randomly looking at poems on other sites, but then I came across yours. I think it is one of the best poems I ever have read and it really did touch meh. I have read a couple of other poems by you also, && I think you are [B]very[/B] good at making these poems.
sounds like how im feeling right now…. listenin to sad country songs and realizing i have no one :cry :sigh i dont find it worth it….
that poem made me cry!
i loved it. :cry
first of all i just wanted to say that this poem reminds me of a time in my life where i went throu every event that u mentioned..the attempt of suicide,the heartbreak,calling just to make sure he didnt wan tme back..this poems great..and we connect really well..
Many people don\’t understand how real this is. I, however, do. Somehow i feel like the lonliness the guy was feeling in this poem has somehow seeped into me. But itd judt a matter of time till it all gets too deep that i won\’t be able to stand it anymore. But thanks for letting me know other people feel the same sometimes
I remember once, when i was down. Luckily, my cousin was around, Anyway, i can feel the loneliness, It seem so real.
:cry
no one made me cry be for but this poem need
this poem really ment something to me. thanks
:sigh :cry :cry :cry this would be so sad if this happend to someone…just take the time to listen to the people..you might learn something..just take the time to listen and talk to people about how they feel
[B]This Poem Is great[/B]
[U]But It isnt the best the best poem would have 2 be Deadly Love[/U]
and i have a man that i love :cry :grin 😡 :roll
this is sooo sad :cry :sigh :cry its unbeliveble
:cry :cry :cry its so sad……i feel bad when he could not say good bye to his friends and family and espesialy his love :sigh :sigh :sigh :cry :cry
:cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
The original poem is called Lonely Death.
It\’s in a book copyrighted as follows:
© Mental- illness 2008
There are 25 chapters to this book.
And the original words were all \”she\” and not \”he\”.
Here\’s a reference link to it…
incase you\’d like to see it.
http://www.bebo.com/Chapters.jsp?ChapterId=5828752093&MemberId=3680656583
:cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry this is the saddest poem i ever read in my effing life, i like cryed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its sin to know that somone like they had nothing left to give to this planet.
so sad to feel that no one is there for you when u need the most… :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
this is so deep it has me to tears.. :cry
this is so so sooooooooooooooooooooooo sad!!!!!!!!!!! :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :sigh :sigh :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :sigh :sigh :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :upset :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :sigh :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
i feel the same way and i have been cryin cuz i got hurt and would go to friends but no one would care so wat the dawm should i care. :cry :sigh
aww that is so sad :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
To the person with the post saying that this poem is from some bebo account and that the real name is lonely death:
This poem was posted on the forums of this website before it got posted here along with all my other poems. This poem was also posted here well before 2008 and well before it was ever posted on that bebo page. The person that released those works obviously stole the poem from the Internet. Search any line from this poem or from the poem \”have you ever\” and you will find tons of people trying to steal my work. =)
Hi
I am the admin of this website, this is just to confirm what Dennis, said in the last comment , this poem has been here since early 2005, much before people started using things like bebo and facebook
If any one has some questions then I can be contacted at [email protected]
Also Dennis, I tried to send you an email and it bounced back , so if you read this then do get in touch
-Cheers 🙂
i love this its so heartbreaking :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :sigh :sigh :sigh :sigh :sigh :sigh :sigh :sigh :sigh :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
:sigh This song is sad but it speaks the truth for many teens. This is how I used to feel but I suffered from depression and now I\’m being treated. Depression doesn\’t make you feel like killing yourself but it does hurt and it does feel lonely. Im working on a poem. Hope everyone likes it.
[B]You just rocckkkkkkkkk man i loved it its the truth of loveeeeeeee[/B] :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
my friend killed herself just a month ago. it was the saddst thing i have ever felt. RIP harley rae wilson.
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