Feb 01 2011
Never Enough
I wanted for you to have it all..
The sun, the moon, the leaves in the fall..
I gave all I had yet it was never enough..
which made me wonder if it wasnt just one of your bluffs,
Was it all just a game you played with my head?
Would you be pleased if you knew.. I can barely get out of bed..
Without you in my life.. all I feel is pain and devestation…
Grief and loss…
You were more than a lover, an ex, a confidant…
You were my everything and my best friend…
And on my end you still are..
Nothing can change that..
The term for what I have is loss of the ability to thrive
which means I have lost the will to survive…
I made you my everything yet it appears as if to you I am nothing..
Maybe an ignorant fool I have been…
I know I am not much to look at…
and could stand to lose quite a bit of weight…
Is this the reason you cannot love and instead your eyes are blind
with hate..
Unable to seperate who I am for what I have done…
all done in the name of love and sometimes confusion…
Causing myself constant battles of mental delusions..
If you do not get it now then I’m afraid you never will…
I love you with a love no one else could fulfill…
I know I have faults as do you.. and I love yours even
if you cannot stand to be near mine..
I know no matter what like a gift I was sent to bring you unconditional love
like someone from heaven was looking out for you from up above..
Maybe for you love is not enough..
I hide my pain behind a mask of anger..
If you were to gaze upon me now it would be as if I were a stranger..
The more time that passes the colder I become.. the walls building
themselves higher.. the only thing that can fix it is true loves eternal fire..
which i am afraid does not you consume..
I know now you do not want me or my love and maybe you never did..
however some gifts once opened cannot be returned…
We have both said alot out of anger and I have forgiven so much..
yet have never been forgiven…
Maybe all this time it was a lie I was living..
I wish I could have been what you truly want and needed..
in the end nothing I could have ever done would have been enough..
because the truth is you cannot force someone to love and your heart
had already been taken by a thief I have come to hate…
But for your sake if that is truly the one you want I cannot help
but want her to take you back so that you can be the person who is happy
again.. the one I used to call just a friend.. even though love has always been
in my heart..
I will always love you.. you see you are all I want… But for your sake and the obvious stress I put you through I will let you go so that you can be free and if one day you find its meant to be than I know you shall return to me..
People will come and people will go… and some will even try to gain what you pushed away and did not want… but I fear it will never be enough unless…
That person is you….
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