Dec 02 2010
Push
Push……. P..U..S..H… P….U……S………..H
me further away…
Lately every word you say has no emotion nor meaning..
All the caring that once came through those lips is gone..
I understand you go through alot…
I may not be there but believe me.. I too carry your burden..
I cheerfully carry it.. yet wonder if I am really needed..
or am I doing you a foul turn by always being there…
These days are so much of a struggle I find myself
S..W..E..P..T .. away…. forgotten in the whirlwhind of this..
not so fairytale life..
I am growing up it seems…
It is painful..
Because the more I grow… the more
you seem to push me away…
I do not ask for false hopes
if nothing yet you have ever said has come true..
I try to believe… I want to believe.. I yearn to know that it is true…
However everytime I start to think this is it…
It will finally happen…
Like a dead canary in the snow .. I am left quite blue..
The pushed away popsicle some cantankorous kitty did not want..
I scream out for help
for my world every single bit of it ..
is crashing around my ears..
I guess you have gone deaf…
for you do not seem to hear…
I love you and I always will..
but is this how it will always be?
I am just barely making it…
trying to stay alive…
I do not understand why…
you always push me away…
when the only thing I want to do is stay
and be happy together…
in friendship or whatever may come..
Instead as always I am pushed to the side..
Pushed from your thoughts..
Pushed from your caring..
and most importantly pushed from your heart..
I just hope one day.. I am not pushed from a bridge or building…
Over a love sought.. and lost…
written while not in a good place..
would be less painful to be pushed from a building.. guess it is truly time to say goodbye.. maybe it wasnt meant to be after all and i would be crazy to keep thinking that it is after all this
or am I doing you a foul turn by always being there
i’ve never wandered in this poetry universe let alone comment on one. but i guess i’m not in that good place as well. this line really speaks to me. much more than i want to allow myself to. you can put into words beautifully some of the feelings that i just could bare to say out loud. not even to myself. hug.