Oct 07 2010

Simply Completely Deeply

Published by at 3:51 pm under Forever Love Poems

Why did you hurt me ever so completely?
Use everything you knew would tear my world apart?
As the stabbing pain keeps moving through my veins..
These wounds they travel deeply..

I now know how it feels to hurt every day..
To be forced to move forward because life will not wait..
To have to fake a smile and pretend that everything is alright..
It’s even more painful knowing you have gone away…
The words that caused me to bleed blood red.. mixed with
my tears as they flowed freely..

A big part of me fights all the doubts I ever had…
and tell me there is something that I just keep missing..
It comes up with possible reasons.. that this horrible thing happened..
Not that I assume any of them are true but it makes the pain easier to bear for me to believe that you were being noble..
My head yearns for understanding that it may never receive…
Wondering if I was too demanding…
It keeps pondering inside at the same question over and over again..
Why would you hurt someone that you knew loved you more than life?

As slowly my body grows weaker…
Something inside me makes me feel like this is a test.. I must pass
to show you how strong my love is and can truly be…
My love lasts and I can forgive the past and hope you do the same for me..

I cannot get you out of my mind..
You are like some big dark secret..
Whose mysteries I must seek out..
For perhaps if I find the answers to this..
True happiness will one day greet us

Sometimes I lose touch with reality and the
lines between what is real and unreal are becoming blurred.
At times I wonder if I have lost my sanity..
As I stumble around this bad dream..
No matter the cost.. I simply cannot give up..
For I will tell you a secret.. Even with doubts a big part of me
has always believed and had faith in you.. in us…

I feel so lost and scared inside.. but the
pain is everywhere.. I cannot hide..
I thought I would stay angry.. however..
I knew I could never hate you.. the moment the words
slipped from my hands in the form of a text.. I wished I could take them back..

These days it is hard to see what is true.. what you meant..
and what you did not.. I am so confused in many ways..
Did you at some point come to hate me and I was too blind to see?
The dark part of me rages in anger and wanted to hurt you just as bad as you hurt me..

I could not bring myself to do that to you for I knew I would only
be hurting myself.. at the end of the day perhaps fool that I am…
I love you unconditionally and completely with all that I am which makes the silence… without the beautiful sound of your voice.. into something I can barely stand..but I told you once if you asked it of me (even though I failed in the past..) if it was what you wanted I would let you go… Especially if you thought that was what was best for you.. I tell you now it is never best for me.. You do not and have never held me back.. the only person that could do that is me..

As the darkness descends..no light to be found..
I find myself falling deeply into fantasies one day I hope will come to life.. where you miss my love like a treasure that has been lost.. and you would give anything to have it returned to you..
You see ever so long ago… somewhere in the vicinity of my heart..
I fell into love ever so deeply… As time moved on… instead of fading as sometimes love is want to do… it grew into an all consuming flame.. I knew even from afar I was destined to love you completely for all that you are past, present, future… and all that you never dreamed you could be.. I see what you yourself refuse to see..
A man who deserves to be happy and loved.. to have some true joy in his life..

So here I stand instead of screaming angry words of heartache and pain.. I choose to remain steadfast.. to my vow to love you no matter what.. deeply and completely.. and offer comfort if you need it or ever feel alone.. just remember as long as I breathe air you are never truly alone..

To feed my hunger on the faith I hold inside.. and whisper ever so sweetly “My love for you never died”.. You are my world never has that changed.. I just hid behind walls from the pain only you seem to be able to cause because what you think of me has always mattered very much… That is why your words held so much weight and were like a knife to my soul.. I have tried to keep my heart wide open since it has been yours from hello..

So here I sit my mind, body, and soul.. silently asking meekly “Please just give me a sign”.. Will it always be this way? The now you are here and then you get distant.. and then it becomes time for you to go away again.. Don’t we deserve to just enjoy each other and bask in the warmth love has brought? To simply exist and put the past behind us.. only caring about the here and now.. us in the moment?

Why does it seem that you punish yourself? Whenever we get so close to being together… it seems as if you fight it and then take flight? I know I can leave things be in the past.. I have done it before..
not that it was an easy thing to do.. and yes it took some time..
You have and will always be worth it and some day I hope you will see your self worth and realize what I already know..

I know things will never be the same between us.. but the friendship we had is not gone.. cannot you see loving me is not such a bad thing.. it does not have to be this hard.. We CAN live, love, learn and grow together.. but first I think you may need to discover yourself.. We will always be able to make it through any stormy weather.. because despite what may be thought love makes you strong.. not weak..

If only you would allow yourself to relax and just let go…
I know it is frightening.. but the past has been enlightening.. guiding is in which directions we should go….. Lighting the way if you choose to see it.. to what could be a fresh clean start..

I miss you so much but in part I realize this is not all about me or us..
I am guessing you need to be free to discover who and what you want to be.. and what partner would be the best to have by your side.. I wish you the best and never anything less.. I have laid my emotions bare to the world..

People may not understand how I still stand firm.. refusing to give up despite the many burns I have received.. I am sure I am not the only one.. although I swear I never try to hurt you.. I am fighting for someone who no matter what he has done.. or said in the end you are still just a man.. a human.. who makes mistakes..

I too have had my share of bad choices.. If nothing that should make me seem more real… I know I am not perfect and neither are you but I feel you are perfect for me in every way.. It was never about how you looked (although I find you extremely sexy).. how you dressed (you are a pretty trendy dresser and incredibly hot no matter what you wear).. the physical desire we might share (and yes you are magnificent in that respect even if everything was not shared).. It was never about the money… what you could buy me.. or where you could take me.. I was always happy.. to just simply be with you.. I hoped I showed you that when I was with you… You alone set off that sparkle in my eyes..

Instead of holding on to anger.. which is far from healthy to do.. I decide to believe in the best of you… that you had reasons for what you did and said that I may not understand right now.. and hope one day you will share them with me.. the way you used to feel like you could talk about everything.. you know.. you still can.. I never wanted you to feel like you had to hide.. just to shelter me from pain… sometimes it hurts as much not knowing.. but feeling there is something wrong…and you can no longer tell everything that is bothering you inside… you used to let me be there for you.. The one you could tell anything to.. If it was true then.. why cant it be that way again.. I know it would help you ease some of your heavy burdens you carry around with you like a wooden cross..

Your true self you may try to bury.. deep inside.. because we both know the pain of love and when it gives up on you.. that makes it easier to just not let it in.. Despite all of this.. I want you to know that even though you have been distant.. you have never been a stranger.. and if you look closely you will see neither am I.. I am still that person.. who carries with them an inner light.. who tries to believe in good things.. even if for a while I was wrapped up in my own selfish bitterness and pain.. I apologize for that..just simply shows I am only a woman..

Even hurting as much as I am.. I still show other people the way to find happiness within.. and embrace who they are.. to leave the past behind.. along with all their scars… Sometimes you have to simply not question and just let it happen as it is meant to.. No force or plans involved… I try to inspire every life I touch.. haha even the ones who I have gone off on.. I tried to show them the way they treated people was wrong… I have found I am quite a matchmaker.. but then I knew it all along.. I can help other people find happiness.. Why cant I do that for us? More importantly.. I wish you can find happiness in you.. so that I could share all of these feelings warm the parts of you that have gone cold.. Show you that to feel is not as bad as you think.. its part of what makes the whole..

You have in me if you will let yourself see it.. something you have always searched for and despaired of ever finding… I know it may seem that I have changed.. but in truth I really have not.. I have tried to grow and let the negativity roll off of my back.. In so many respects for the good I have changed.. but to me in a big way it means nothing if you are not here to see.. How I have grown.. and now only look with positive eyes..

So when you decide that is your time to stay.. if you decide its me you cannot live without… I will welcome you with open arms and tears of joy streaming down my face.. cherish the gift fates have brought me… As I gaze in your eyes.. through my own eyes can be shown forever my heart will you own..

You have and always will be more than just my best friend…
I want to someday again share the love, warmth, and laughter..
True happiness in your arms I do seek..
You are the part to my missing puzzle.. You are not the sole source of my happiness because in order to be happy with you.. I had to find that inner light within me..

I pray one day your eyes will open and see the future is ours as far as you can see..
We traveled a rough hard road.. and I am sure there may be rough patches ahead.. I would walk through the depths of hell for you.. if you would but ask… Nothing in this world worth having comes easy.. but to me anyway.. this love is worth it.. I am worth it.. You have always been worth it..

Moving past the hurt…
Taking time to heal…
Hoping some day..
Fate..
Will have its way..
and give you a new beginning.. one you will not want to end..
this is a game we are capable of winning but it takes teamwork on both our parts..
I feel we are owed this chance.. to stop playing this game of tug of war..

Here I am if you decide you just cannot see your life without being close to me.. You will always have my love regardless never put that in question.. It has stood the test of time… heartache.. and several times loss.. Yet I am still here..

I no longer push for this…
This dance is yours…
You lead and I will follow…
I put myself in your hands when YOU are ready..
No longer do I desire to control our circumstances..
I think whatever is meant to happen should happen..

Till the day.. we meet again.. you are on my mind.. you have my heart.. and I send all of the positive energy I can muster.. to help you get through any trials that might lie ahead..

You see quite simply, completely, deeply I will always be very much in love with you and all that you are.. the good and the bad..

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5 responses so far

5 Responses to “Simply Completely Deeply”

  1. meghan222on 08 Oct 2010 at 12:27 am

    this is a very long poem 😯

  2. pixieon 08 Nov 2010 at 5:38 pm

    I (Again) didn’t read the whole poem. Sorry (Again) but i’m sure it’s fantastic anyway…
    xoxo

  3. iiThoughtEverythingWuldB4evaon 02 Dec 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Oh…this is a VERY deep and meaningful and beautiful poem 😀
    It relates to me exactly…
    And, these lines
    “These days it is hard to see what is true.. what you meant..
    and what you did not.. I am so confused in many ways..
    Did you at some point come to hate me and I was too blind to see?
    The dark part of me rages in anger and wanted to hurt you just as bad as you hurt me..I could not bring myself to do that to you for I knew I would only
    be hurting myself.. at the end of the day perhaps fool that I am…
    I love you unconditionally and completely with all that I am which makes the silence… without the beautiful sound of your voice.. into something I can barely stand..but I told you once if you asked it of me (even though I failed in the past..) if it was what you wanted I would let you go…”
    Just completely relates to me. I was definetly blind to see that he had come to hate me, and I don’t know. But, I love this poem so much. I love all of your poems, ‘Always For Him’ is completely beautiful 🙂 <3 x

  4. adminon 02 Dec 2010 at 5:08 pm

    reminds me of truly madly deeply

  5. Andrea villanuevaon 03 Mar 2011 at 1:03 am

    Boring and too long:( sorry.. Write thoughts that aren’t so over used. But you have a great talent, and i’m sure you could write lyrics with it:)

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