Jul 30 2011
The End
So you see I’m nothing at all like you,
I love life, I really do.
I’m not so bitter, no so cruel,
As to hurt someone for being a fool.
How could I help that I loved you so deeply?
It doesn’t matter, you sold me out cheaply.
But what’s done is done, don’t miss the message I send.
You and I shall both get our end.
For I am weary, so very weary,
Of all the voices crowding near me.
I cannot always comfort them all,
But they come back, the flow doesn’t stall.
I can’t be here forever,
I won’t always be the lever,
Fixing things for you and they,
I simply won’t be here one day.
And when the day finally comes,
When I’m not the one who lullabies hums,
You won’t see my hateful eyes,
I won’t hear your hurting lies.
Because the day when the end is near,
I will no longer have any fear,
Death will take me without pause,
And I’ll not cry for I’ll not have cause.
You’ll never again hear me crying,
Not while I’m dying.
So my pains shall sweet suicide end.
I’ll give us both a blessed end.
This post was submitted by Justaboy.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Blessed end..
Yeah.
Poem was very expressive, very deep. (To me, at least)
End was good.
Rhyming was odd in one stanza, I’m not sure where. Just seemed like a kind of.. interruption?
Yeah, well.
Still a fucking awesome poem.
Yeah I understand what you’re saying it’s really noticeable on the line with the lullaby thing.
I thought it was kinda off in a couple stanzas though. Blah, whatever, lol.
Thank you for the reading and the response!!
I’m very glad you liked it. 😀
So i did it again. i f ked up. i hurt him, like i always do. and hes not going to forgive me this time. hes never going to forgive me again. and im going to end up slowly bleeding to death, thinking about every time i opened my fking mouth and said something retarded and useless and crappy. im going to think about him, his kindness everything he did for me. every ounce of f cking kindness he wasted on me and my fked up life. every drop of blood will count as a second of happiness i spent with him.
We all make mistakes, Pixie and no matter what you said to him I’m sure that you can find a way to work things out, and even if that is not possible then there is someone out there who will accept you. There is always someone dumb enough to love and accept bittter, cruel, people like me and I’m sure that there is someone who will see past this defense you have built around you and love the person that resides within the way I have come to befriend and love this person in the limited way that I have. Don’t give up just yet and so help me, if you go over that edge and the blood flows from you the way it almost did from me than I will not remain emotionally stable. Ok? you need to get up and stop crying and stop bleeding because if there is no hope for you than there is damn sure no hope for me and I’m not giving up yet. So get up and go back out there and do whatever you have to do to bring life and the world back under control if not for your sake then for mine. OK?
u wudnt even know if i died. id simply just.. disappear..
And do you think I wouldn’t understand what happened? As long as you’ve obviously been on this site with the number of poems you’ve posted you wouldn’t just stop coming back here, Pix. It would be for a reason if you suddenly disappeared, do not underestimate my intelligence. I know what ‘disappearing’ means. You’d simply just…be dead…and I can’t take that.
We all die. You’ll die, and so will I.
You think I don’t know this? I spend every waking moment of my life contemplating when and how it would be best to end my own life, to get the blessed end I seek. But you have to do what I did and grow up.
Suicide is not a luxury that most of us can afford.
We all have obligations in life. I have a psychotic sister who calls me crying when her boyfriend hasn’t spoken to her in the last 5 hours. I have a majorly depressed mother who only keeps herself going thinking about how she can move closer to me and keep herself in my life and I have calculated time and time again the date when I will finally be rid of my responsibilities to them and can end my own life.
I know about the inevitable.
I know how much it hurts and how sweet the thought of death is and I am not afraid to die, pointing out the inevitable to me means nothing.
What are they going to do without me? How the fuck am I supposed to do it with them here?
I won’t let you do that, Pixie, so help me God I won’t. I will go over the fucking edge. Do not even think about this because I know that there are people out there that care about you, reasons why you shouldn’t do this and even if you can’t think of anyone….there is still me!
What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to talk to when you aren’t here?
…what will i do?
I don’t know what you want me to say. We all have to do what we think is best.
I want you to say that you won’t do this, because you know it isn’t for the best.
You are too special, you have such a rare and beautiful gift,
And you are such a rare and beautiful person,
Please, just tell me you’ll keep on living.
It depends on whether my best friend can forgive me.
I can’t imagine life without him.
You will survive this, Pixie, trust me. You’ve been through hurt and loss before, I know, I’ve read the things you’ve written and I know that you can survive it all. I will be here for you and you can always talk to me, just don’t hurt yourself. Whatever happened with Pie, I hope it can be reconciled, but you are strong and you can do this. Just don’t take your life, because anything else can be undone or overcome but that is ultimate. Please, just trust me, everything will be okay in the end if you just hold on. Someone once said that life is like forging steel, the fires of hell just make us stronger, and every blow more flexible.
I don’t know why you even care.
It’s not like you can make the people stop.
I don’t care about them, Pixie, I care about you, and I’m hoping that if I talk to you then you will stop. I care, Pixie, because I’ve been hurt so badly and so many times that I know what you’re feeling, I’ve attempted to end it before, many times. I know that this is not the way to do it, and I want you to stop hurting. I care, because I’ve read your poetry and I’ve spoken to you and I can see into you and I know that you are worth so much more than this. You deserve so much more than this. I can’t make the people stop and I can’t make the pain go away, but I can tell you that in time it will lessen, and I can tell you that at the very least I still care about you. Please, just don’t do this. I’m at my end, Pixie…I don’t know what else to say to make you see…words just don’t make sense…except, please.
Words are useless. I’m useless.
This is all so… useless, I guess.
Life just seems meaningless.
But you’re nice. You can find kindness in the most weird places, hey?
Obviously you have some shred of the human desire to live, the same hope that everything will be okay in the end, or you wouldn’t have posted it here at all. If you’d truly given up hope you wouldn’t have given me the chance to talk to you, so please don’t give up hope now. You can do this, you can overcome anything, if you’ll just try.
Please, just stop all the hurting and crying and bleeding and dying. Because by the Goddess who gave us, I will always care about you and I will always be here for you, and I just don’t want to see you fall to this.
You are charmed, Pixie, you have a more beautiful gift than anyone I’ve ever met and if you’ll just try then there will be beauty and greatness in your life.
Just don’t give up, not now.
Then kidnap me. Whisk me off to somewhere where there are rainbows and kitties and happiness.
It’s either that, or you let me go there myself, by the only means I can think of.
There is kindness and beauty everywhere, Pixie, and I want to show you nothing but kindness and No, you are not useless. You are beautiful, just stop crying, I don’t know how to make you stop crying, please just listen to what I’m saying, just open your eyes and see that Life is beautiful. See that someone cares about you, see that someone is here for you. Don’t do this.
There is no place with kitties and happiness, Pixie, don’t try to distance yourself with sarcasm it’s another defense ploy that doesn’t work on me becaue I do it too and I can see through it. There is pain and agony in life but there is so much more, there is joy, there is love, and while you don’t see them now you will, if you’ll just keep going you will. You can do it, you can see love and beauty again if you’ll just give it time and let the pain pass. I have so precious few emotions left anymore that I won’t squander them on pain, and neither should you. Save your feelings for happy things and look inside yourself and see that there is a good person there and that if you give this person time she’ll be okay and she’ll bring the good back out of the world for you.
Haha. Why am I even listening to this?
I’ve thought about this for four years. I’ve tried, and failed, twice.
I need this time to be my last try. I need my Blessed End.
Oh, the irony of this. With your poem, and your hypocrite ways.
It’s laughable.
I suppose it is laughable, and I know exactly what you’re doing. You know that I make sense, and you know that I’m right and you’re trying to turn this back on me because you are afraid to go on and you’re afraid I’ll help you go on. I’m not a hypocrite, you just don’t understand. One day you might, but not yet. I know the beauties of life but I am cursed with something you will never understand. I wish I could just show you how to stop hurting, I wish I could make you feel better. I’m so sorry, Pixie. Please don’t do this.
You know I’m laughing my ass off at you, right?
I appreciate the fact that you’re trying, but this shit is so fucked.
I don’t care if you’re laughing at me, Pixie, I really don’t. I know what’s going through your mind and I know the truth of what’s happening. It’s not fucked, Pixie, until you give up. If you will keep trying, then there is hope. You’re special, and no matter how you try to get me to stop caring so that it proves you right, I won’t, because I’m already broken and you can’t break me anymore. So just don’t do this, because I will still care about you no matter what you say.
Haha. Lies. All of them.
You don’t give a fuck about me, my life or my happiness.
Pie doesn’t care, you don’t care, I don’t care.
Let’s be honest for a moment here,
My life is worth about, what? Nothing. Nothing will come of it, and nothing can be done with it.
I’m doing you all a favour, really. Evolution – survival of the fittest.
I’ll just be lost in history. Just one more soul who will never end up in a textbook or on a plaque.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles, right?
Read this poem again, Pixie, and maybe you’ll start to see. I don’t hate life, because I see there is beauty in life, but I am DAMNED. I want my end, because there is nothing in death were there is my living curse. I will have my Blessed End but not today because I have responsibilities. You do not know me, Pixie, you cannot understand what is happening to me, so you cannot think to judge me or to hurt me, I am too dead to die any more. But I can hope, at the very least, to spare you from this fate, or at least to help you through your agony. I want to help you, just let me in enough to help you.
No, Pixie, you mean something to me. You mean something to me because I’ve been bawling my eyes out, just writing and posting and you were there and you would talk to me and you didn’t judge me, and it was not so long ago that you were the one standing there telling Me not to give up hope, now who is the hypocrite? No, you may not end up in textbooks but you’ve found your way into my heart, because you were kind to me and I consider you my friend, and no matter what I’ll care about you. You are worth something, if to no one else, then to me.
Too dead to die..
That would make an awesome novel.
DAMNED. You sound like a priest, or something. Honestly, dude.
You aren’t damned if you don’t let yourself be.
I have choices, duh. But this is the one I like best.
You have choices, too. Whether you have responsibilities or not, you still have choices.
I’m not telling you to go kill yourself, I’m just saying.
If the textbook is what concerns you then think of this, In three hundred years is anyone gonna give a fuck about what happened with you and Pie? Hell no. But if you keep going then I know that you have the talent to be a poet that will last through the ages. You will do more than give Edgar Allen Poe a run for his money.
Bawling your eyes out? Sounds unattractive.
No, Pixie, you don’t have the same ability I have. I have seen that which has not come to pass, and I know that I am damned, and if you tell me that’s a crock of shit that’s fine because that’s a direct quote from enough people that I’m numb to that as well, but it’s all true. Like you said, Pixie, you have choices, and you know as well as I do that you can choose to live, and if you do then you will see beauty again, and you will love life again.
I’m not here to sound pretty, Pixie, I’m here to speak the truth, if that sounds ‘unattractive’ then that’s fine. I don’t care how it sounds. You’re doing it again, trying to push yourself away, but I’m not running from you. I’m here, and I care about you.
You have seen that which has not come to pass.
Shit, dude. Are you smoking something?
Oh, I’m not running. I’m too slow for that.
You should run. You really should.
And you’re still trying. lmao. You’re still trying to push yourself away, but that’s fine, I don’t mind. I’ve no words left, I’ve nothing left to share that can change your mind or make you understand where I come from, the pains I’ve felt, or that which I know will happen. I’ve said quite clearly that you can’t hurt me, I’m too broken to break and too dead to die, and I will still care about you no matter what you say. So I will get offline now, and hope you do what we both know is right, because I care about you and I can’t stay here and watch you hurt, knowing there’s nothing else I can do. So goodbye, Pixie, I’m going to go know, but I still care, and I’ll be back if you’re still around, and if you want to talk to me then, I will be here.
Well.
… Thanks, I guess.
For being the only one who realized I needed someone.
Pixie please, just let me know you’re okay, as soon as you’re able. I just want to know that you’re safe.
I know I shouldn’t have left you alone, I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know what else to say. I shouldn’t have gone offline. Goddess knows I’m sorry, please just tell me you’re okay.
He’s not ever going to forgive me, is he?
I don’t know, Pix, I don’t even know what you said, but I’m here if you need to talk to someone.
You said you wouldn’t leave. Yet you’re gone now.
Where did you go to? Did you stop caring, or was it all finally too much? Did you just have no need for this site, did you realize how fucked it all is?
TELL ME WHY YOU LEFT
Tell me why you did this.
Tell me why it hurts so much