Feb 04 2013

There was nothing left but goodbye

Published by at 6:22 am under Dark Love Poems

I remember what it felt to feel there’s nothing but goodbye
Goodbye to you and all we had
The good, the hurt, the joy, the sad
And joy is now my enemy
It works to keep me down
Goodbye to you, Goodbye my friend
On Valentines, I’ll be alone
Despite the truest wish:
That this 14th a broken heart may feel true lover’s kiss
And Princes left her in the tower
Her heart was killed in blood
A body worn down to the bone
With dust and ash upon her skin
And jagged lines etched deep within
I’ve written down your name before
In all the blood and all the gore
and this time maybe you could see:
All I have left is agony.
Remembering your tired smile,
a kiss goodnight,
laughing,
talking,
loving,
life.
And all we see is stolen song
And birds with no tune left
A weeping voice broke down and cold
and stark
naked
vulnerable.
Pain is only relevant if it still hurts,
and blank sheets of concrete feel all the rain
that pours in sheets to flood the world
and wash away all the lines I’ve drawn
Years and hours. Days and months.
All this time I’ve spent,
building something I, myself, have destroyed in a second
And love was fragile
But so was I
And I lived on the knife-edge of something destructive
Air-borne, livid, shaken, sick.
Flesh becomes bone and tears become ash
And we live in a world where the wind sweeps it all towards us
Haunting us with everything we’d killed
all the remnants of pasts we’d best have kept hidden
Digging beneath the earth brings forth a sweep of sun
And I break down in laughter, but am the only one
For I remember pain so well
and loneliness the worst
So every bit of happiness is something I must clutch
With shaking hands or aching bones
and ash and tears and tombstones
and want for lust for death and Fate
Yet nothing comes but loathe and hate
Despite a broader sense of life
and hours spent, a carving knife
Took one young lover to her bed
And slit her throat, and made her dead
And all that blood spilled on the floor
was where I found my hope before
In on small glimmer I had trusted
With nothing but blind hope
and ever-divided religious beliefs with no actual standing
And there was something Other
Something strange
something more to rearrange
And in the chaos I could find
That you and I were of a kind
and carved from blood and ash and dust
was one small inkling; love and lust
In one instant, I was saved
and brought down ages
Tombstones, weeping, missing,
dead.
I heard the voices in my head.
They said to run, to run, to run
But all I had left was a trickle of blood
running down my cheek
dripping on concrete
Making more lines
to be washed away
in times like this we want to pray,
but all I had has gone away
And gently swaying bodies learn
to fear the light, the dark, the stars, the night, the voices,
the hope, the songs, the sounds, the memories
And I remember breathing softly,
being coaxed and helped along
I remember tender hands and patient feet
And I remember how it felt to feel there was nothing left but goodbye.
Goodbye.

This post was submitted by pixie.

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