Oct 06 2010

This gift I give to you

Published by at 10:18 am under Missing you Love Poems

These days are a constant struggle..
The battle lines ever so clearly drawn..
The place where my heart used to be screams it cannot be true…
All those cruel words that were said simply could not have been you…
Even my brain tells me that something in the words simply just was not right..
I wish I could have expressed that..
But hurt always seems to be a first reaction..
The dark side of me that I try so hard to hide.. roars out in anger that my love was so easily pushed aside..
Thrown away it seemed like a toy that no longer had its use..
Did the years change you so.. that the person I fell in love with was killed dead and a stranger taken up residence.. in my love’s head?
I know this cannot be true because everywhere I look there are traces of you..
We always did this dance you see where I hurt you and you hurt me..
We would part ways to heal ourselves and when we would find each other as before..
Dont let this time be any different please.. just remember things have changed just a bit.. there are some things no matter how hard I try.. I can no longer hide.. keep them locked up inside..
Is it so wrong that I love you?
That I cannot share it with the world?
Did you let her kill who you were and leave nothing left of you for me..
“That is simply just not fair!” devastatingly my mournful cry let out from somewhere in the place where my heart used to be..
“Why couldn’t it have been me ..” I would have treated you the way you deserved..
I loved you first.. you know that is true…
Even after all the pain and hardships..
I am no saint I know…
I could never bring myself to turn away from you..
Yes, sadly the rules have changed.. once my love secret was out..
No matter how hard I have tried…
Not even for you could I put it back in..
I am forever sorry.. that I pushed way to hard way too soon..
Now my understanding is better I know it was way too soon for you…
I wanted to show you what love could be like… as always my timing was off..
So instead we only brought each other pain..
I wish I was not so selfish.. and I could go back to the way things were..
I wish I could be a friend..
Put my secret back in and be your heart only when you are ready to feel..
I know you had always thought you had nothing to offer.. but that simply just was not true.. You had yourself you see and all I ever wanted was you…
There never was a time you were not good enough.. its not about the material things you have.. all that we could have earned together in time..
I love you despite of your flaws and regardless of what you may think..
Yes, I knew them all..
I had hoped you could do the same for me because far from perfect.. I will always be..
I will always be your angel sent from you from above.. shining the rays of love to light your path… even if right now you cannot see them..
I still love you and in your heart you know its true…
For you my heart was the gift of all the gifts that more than any of them I willingly gave to you..
Yes.. I had a feeling from the start things would not always be easy.. and through hell I might go..
But regardless of the things said in times of pain.. I would walk over hot coals just to be with you..
I will never take that most precious gift back for see it is now yours forever wanted or not…
Even though I said I hated you… it was really just an expression to show how much you were tearing me apart inside..
Some days it amazes me that I am still even if barely breathing.. very much alive..
When I said I would find someone else to be happy with in this too did I lie…
There is no one on this earth like you and you will always be the one for me pain and hurt pushed aside..
I said all these things out of sheer frustration at the distance that had been caused.. Hurt from you not telling me.. what happened to turn things so wrong..
So here I am forever I wait because I know that you are the only one for me.
I refuse to listen to other people who have seen my pain and tell me it is not worth it and to just move on..
You see I am just not that woman and never have been its true..
My love for you is way stronger than you could have ever imagined.. and I would have always stood by you if you would have let me..
So let fate play its hand..
If you find you cannot simply give your heart to me after everything we have put each other through.. and you find someone who makes your heart sing and bring a smile to your face..then even though it would kill me inside for you I will understand.. For you see your happiness is a precious gift that would be all I need.
All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and I hope you find it within yourself so that one day you may be truly happy .. whether it be with me or someone else..
So… whenever you are feeling lonely, cold, down or blue.. Always remember that someone out there.. no matter what may occur.. will always be madly in love with you this promise I made and is true..
Even though your far away..
True I need and want you but for you this sacrifice I will make.. You told me you wanted me to leave you be.. so for you I will do this hard thing you ask..
My love is unconditional and from you.. no one and nothing can take..
And if someday you find that your heart is unconditionally linked with mine.. My door will always be open.. body, soul, and mind.. It has never been locked you see..
For long ago without your knowing in your battered and bruised heart… I hid the key…
No matter what happens from this day on.. I want you to know.. for me there was never a time that you were not worth it..
Every single tear that I cried…
Every minute I did not sleep..
Every worry I had…
The times you made me mad…
You will always be the only one for me..
Even though the silence is deafening and at times it can be hard to keep the faith..
Not a day goes by that I do not wish you were here..
Your only real enemy is that of your mind and for me it has always been my insecurities..
If you ever decide you miss me, need me, or simply cannot live without me.. Do not let fear keep you from reaching out to me… For I have always been here.. The only thing I ask is that if you are testing me please stop… I always feel like I will fail.. if you call or hold out your hand.. you may be pleasantly surprised at what you find…

So with these words I leave myself open, naked, without a shield.. I have always made love to you with my words.. if not my body.. maybe one day we will..I dedicate to the one I love and I hope I never lost… Missing and loving you far more than you could possibly know.. I hope you some day enjoy this gift I give to you and have no expectations in return..

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2 responses so far

2 Responses to “This gift I give to you”

  1. rickon 11 Oct 2010 at 2:48 am

    you r simpley a beautitfull person i woulld love to get to know you just great

  2. Sujion 29 Mar 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Dear..You have spoken everything in my heart I wanted to tell.. Thank you very much.. Love lives forever:)

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