May 31 2013

What if i told you..

Published by at 11:24 am under Uncategorized

you ask me questions
to do with him,
where does he live?
what did he do?

you saw my wrist.
the one aged with scars.
you looked me in the eyes,
and i cowered away.
and covered it up.

i said i was full,
you knew it was a lie,
you said “no you’re not”
and so i tried.

i tried to cover up my lies.
because what’s the point in letting you in?
when all you’re gonna do is leave?

’cause i know it’ll hurt me more
if i tell you all these reasons,
all these bad stories,
the stories of my life.

you’re already drifting away,
and it’s making me fall apart again.
i know it’s my fault.
i’m not as strong as i thought i was.

so i’m sorry,
i’m sorry for not being able to be open,
to be honest….to be normal.
i’m far from perfect.

the answers are
he still lives with us, in this house,
he abused me as a kid,
to the large amount, that my sub-conscious
has made me forget….
Nobody came when i called for help.
my own mother tried to block it out.

and the scars on my wrist,
they dominate my whole body,
and i’m ashamed to say,
that they still continue on.

i don’t eat, and i starve,
i’m starving still,
and throwing up, after meals.
these voices in my head,
they tell me to.

and the reason,
why i’m falling apart again now,
is because i can’t stand not seeing you.
because since i’ve been seeing you….
you’ve managed to take all this pain away.

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