Nov 19 2012

White flags

Published by at 10:29 pm under Sorry Love Poems

In our shiny new life it just became her.
I had an overwhelming sense of alienation,
He clouded her vision
And diluted what made her you.
And so slowly I was fading still wearing my “its ok” mask
drifting from consciousness.
Drowning in this unexplained sorrow.
I was empty
With no one to turn to
I lashed out
With metaphors and cruel indirect words
With my blind teenage rage
Reopening a wound i couldn’t heal.
Trying to squeeze into a mold that they had created
That I quite simply could not fit into.
Confused and muted
My emotions took over
And were distorted on paper,
With no intention to harm
Or to shake the fragile foundations beneath our feet.
They cracked and caved in
We all became victims
Blindly directed and prodded into the dark distance
That now consumes us.
I never wanted to leave
But I couldn’t find the voice I had always hidden to speak
The words I so desperately wanted to heal us
But all escaped was a weary sob.
I felt like my body had given up,
So the scars consumed me.
I fell into my fathers arms
Without a further word exchanged between us.
And so my silent Cinderella story begun
With the evil queen to rule
I starved myself from vital nutrients.
And fell into my own distance from the world,
In a spiral of self destruction,
My mind consumed my existence
Until I fought with all my might
To tear down the barriers,
to let in the light.
And now here I am waving signals of peace
For this silent war between us all to cease fire.
Licking my wounds that so desperately wish to heal.
Let us put down these walls.
I beg for your forgiveness.
As I become a woman
I unload my childhood burdens
And if you please,
Let me lighten yours.
I never stopped loving you,
And i KNOW i never will.
But the blame is not mine alone.
Call this even.
I am over all of it.
This is done.
Welcome back to my life Mum.

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