Love-Hate

May 24 2011

Published by Antix at 1:54 am under Love Poems for Boyfriend

I tear away the rose petals one by one
I love him.
I love him not.
I love him.
I love him not.
I love him….

Truth me told, this question does not have a finite answer

I love him.
No one on this earth understands me better than him.
He can predict my responses, yet calls me unpredictable.
He laughs at my quirks, and endears his own to me.
He plays with me, teases me, and makes me laugh.
He puts up with my temper tantrums, my mood swings, my loneliness.
He loves me more than all the energy in the universe.
After all the pain I give him, he cannot, and will not hate me.
Unconditional, true, eternal love.

I cant put up with him.
I find him arrogant.
I fear that he will become what I have been running away from all my life.
A constant suggestor, and slowly, the controller, and then a control freak.
He knows somethings way more than I do. And he is constantly showing it to me.
I cannot know everything. But I cannot take being showed down all the time, even unintentionally.
He does not work hard. He portrays it that way.
Yet he is better than me.
Yes, Im even infuriated, irritated, agitated, that he gets without pain the things with which I struggle.
Maybe its me who is in the wrong. But right now, his intelligence, and no work, hits me.
And then I dont want to talk to him.

He has changed for me. Adjusted a lot.
I don’t understand why I cannot.

I have attitude. I have ego problems.
I am basically commitment phobic.
For reasons he understands. I hope he understands.
I am short tempered.
I am impulsive. Volatile. Effervescent.
Candid. Frank. And not secretive.
I have my views, I stick to them.
And though not perfect in indifference, I try not to care what the world thinks.
I am not meant for love.
All I desire is accomplishment.

I keep going back to him.
Because I can say anything to him. ANYTHING.
He can deal with my madness.
And when I do go back, Im always apologetic.
I tell him to push me away.
He cant. He wont. He never does. He lives with the pain.
Endurance. And unerring loyalty.

We are both in separate relationships.
I love him. But I cannot live with him.
But I cannot live without him.
Well, Im not even trying.

I oscillate like a pendulum.
To and fro. Love and hate.
Every moment with him, and not looking at him at all.
There goes my rose.
But I dont have an answer. I never will.

I pick up another rose.
From a bouquet he gave me.
I love him.
I love him not.
I love him.
I love him not.
I love him……….